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Rituals for Birth
by Emma Miller, D.Div.

There is always something to celebrate! When a child is born, we welcome its arrival. It is also appropriate to celebrate the "process". Greater awareness of pregnancy, labor and delivery on physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual levels can enhance inner and shared wisdom, as well as form and strengthen relationships.

The Blessingway is a ritual for pregnancy, while Birth Beads are useful during the labor and delivery. Presently, our society marks this transition time by having a baby shower. The mother, and increasingly, the father, is given a gift for the baby. Women (and men) offer these gifts as they anticipate the child's arrival. Food is usually shared in a party-like atmosphere.

The addition of the Blessingways can "round out" the experience. Instead of the focus being solely on the baby, it is on the role of the family, particularly, the mother. The Blessingways can immediately precede the baby shower, or be a separate event. As a ritual, it can magnify birth as sacred. The following are some elements to consider as you design your ceremony.

Why does this ritual appeal to your head and your heart? Examine your thoughts and feelings about this transition time to identify your intention(s). Do you want to honor? If so, the mother or both parents? Do you want to offer encouragement or strength? Welcome a woman into the circle of wise mothers? Prepare the mother for the journey? Have the parent/family acknowledge and commit to their unique roles?

Who will be acknowledged? The mother alone? The father and siblings can be recognized for their roles during this time too. Or, the father can have his own Blessingway attended by men. Separate ceremonies honoring the mother and father can merge to share songs and food.

Who will be present? Will this be a surprise or will the parent(s) invite significant people? Women only? Include babies, girls and pre-pubescent boys? The birth attendants? Mother's biological/emotional mother and female relatives? Consider different levels of participation for those attending.

When is the appropriate time? This depends upon your purpose. A first trimester celebration (on a new moon?) can focus on the pregnancy, the growing baby, and the parent-child-family relationship. Later Blessingways (on a full moon?) can be a symbolic preparation for the labor and delivery.

Where will the ceremony be held? Indoors or outdoors? An impersonal setting, a home, or the birth place? Choose a special spot or make the space special through decoration and consecration (e.g., smudging). Create a warm and safe environment for all to share freely. Know the power of the circle as you gather.

What is going to happen? Who will say what words, poems, prayers, affirmations, stories; sing which songs; lead what visualization? Who will do what actions- cleansing, dance, drum? Will there be a focal point, e.g., a created altar table, bonfire, the mother? Will the group create (e.g., a beaded necklace for the baby; a medicine bag; a "birth canal"; a "web" of sisterhood)?

The ritual is the unfolding of the intention. So, what is it that you wish to announce, express, or claim? Remember that participants are touched more deeply if they participate versus simply attend a program. They, too, can prepare their body, mind and heart for ceremony.

How will it occur? The Navajo have a wonderful ceremony that involves the symbolic use of cornmeal, song, grooming, gifting, and food sharing. You many choose to perform this Blessingway, or one with other Native American themes (e.g., earth elements, directions, give-away), if it "fits". Examples of other frameworks are the use of angels or goddesses. Be sure that your chosen symbols will help focus your awareness on the purpose.

How can you convey your intention of creation, beginnings, initiation into motherhood, or surrender during the birth? Consider using metaphors for early labor (e.g., summoning spiritual assistance, songs), active labor (e.g., grooming and washing), giving birth (e.g., giving gifts to the mother such as clothes, oil, crystals, symbolic objects), placenta delivery (e.g., songs and blessings), and postpartum (e.g., feasting). With planning, it is simple to design a meaningful personal yet communal sharing. Thoughtful preparation, and expression with meaning and joy is the key.

While the Blessingway is an excellent way to connect with others, the use of Birth Beads, derived from an African tribal tradition, can be a powerful transitional tool for the mother.

During the pregnancy, the mother opens herself to receive the perfect bead that will symbolize the pregnancy, birth, and life with that child. What are her visions, and what is the child communicating? She may quest for the bead, create it, or it may be given to her. She establishes a connection with it, and clings to it for strength and endurance during the birth process.

Sometime during the pregnancy, the mother is entrusted, perhaps at her Blesisngway, with a necklace of Birth Beads. She wears it as an outward sign of initiation. She also receives a journal detailing the birth stories behind each bead. Reading the stories brings inspiration and emotional strength.

After the birth, the mother writes about her and her baby's story in this journal. This journal, and necklace with her newly added bead, are surrendered (paralleling the surrender of the birth) to the caretaker (midwife, doula, designated person in the community) to be passed on to the next mother.

As the necklace grows, the stories grow. They carry with them energy and power. Each mother, then, has a concrete way to honor or heal her experience. This is also a way for the mother to identify and share her courage and wisdom, and teach new ways to handle fear and pain. Each baby born is symbolically linked into community; women strengthen their union with each other and the preceding generations.

Blessingways and Birth Beads show an appreciation of physical, mental and emotional experiences. They are rituals that embrace people for a common purpose. Nourishing our spirit, they also celebrate the process of life, and provide a way to connect with the Great Mystery during the mystery of birth.

Photo and article ©1995, Emma Miller

Emma Miller, D.Div., an Interfaith Minister and Family Development Specialist, is the creator of the Gentle Touch® Program for pregnant women, babies, young children, and families. She authored and co-produced the Gentle Touch® Infant Massage Video, and instructs parents and trains professionals. Contact her at: GentleTouch@main.nc.us or 1-888-333-3936. Visit: http://main.nc.us/gentletouch.